When You Are Wrecked From Birth

We don’t pick our lives, our parents or the circumstances we are born into.  God, in His infinite wisdom and in His love for our soul….but more for His Glory decides those things.

For years I walked around ashamed and bewildered by why He had chosen me to have the life I had.

I remember, at the age of three, walking by the side of the road, small satchel in hand…while my brothers and Mom walked near me.  She was done, they were finished.

The truck was unpacked and the four of us began building a new life.

One filled with rushing and running and yet delights of riding big wheels down the road…the smiles and laughter seemed to be returning, a new peace discovered.

But there was a knock at the door….that changed it all

“Ma’am, we need you to come to the hospital, a boy has been badly hurt and we understand he may be your son.”

His birthday…the day before mine. His death…a few short days before my other brother’s. The shadow of his death remained…and is still there.

These events and living in sheer poverty drove me to hang my head, run and depend upon no one.  After all, God would have them leave our lives for some reason…

And yet, He brought this man into my life.  The man I thought would hang the moon again for me….and for a while, he did.  We married young…eloped at 18

divorced at 20

and I did what I had learned to do….I ran.

The military to…..powder on a glass……and just before rock bottom….

He really wrecked my life.

God brought that man who hung the moon back into my life and I witnessed first hand what a life without God would be like.  I watched a soul in torment, trying desperately to force the hand of God to death……

death would not come and I did what I knew how to do

I ran….

and yet, he followed….But God was not done with me…..He put forgiveness in my heart in a way I never imagined.

He put a babe in my womb…..and stripped it away……

and I fought and said I would never submit…and the man

the one who hung the moon…..he stopped fighting death

he began to fight to live and hold on to God and he showed me the way to

stop running and be wrecked

and all of my fist shaking and head turning and head bowing……all taken away.

All of it has been taken and on his knees, he carries me to the cross and tells me he loves me…but the Father loves me more!

I still don’t know the big picture of why He wrecked my life so young…..but when I see a person in need, one who is being tormented by the world, whose life circumstances seem to be out of control….

I run

to hug them and wrap His word around their heart so they too can be wrecked for the world around them instead of their own wrecking, which is so necessary to help this hurting, fallen world……

and to have the answer so vividly in front of me my whole life, yet found in the pages of Jeff’s book….to no longer be ashamed or angry..to no longer walk with my head down and wonder ‘why me’….but to truly say ‘why not me’….and be glad…I was chosen to be wrecked.

To help this world in a way another may not.  To look through the eyes of hurt and pain to say “I’ve been there….and you can get through this, too.”  To be said with sincerity and love to walk the journey and grab hold with both hands…..the hands He gave me to use for Him….

About the Author:  Rebecca is a homeschool Mom – who climbed the corporate ladder quickly, held that big six figure paycheck in her hand…and walked away.  She lives a life wrecked and now understands the passion and desire God has given her to shout out loud….to help the world…and does so over here

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